Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Oh god it's open bar.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
