I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
