she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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