I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
