ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
