It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
