Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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