thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
