First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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