So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
