Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Randomize
