Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
