She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
