you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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