Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
