Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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