im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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