My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
