I think I died a long time ago.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
my being single is dangerous.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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