Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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