Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
