I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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