well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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