this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
