I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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