Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
My balls are so social today.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
