The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
