I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize