so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
