i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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