you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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