i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
