i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
