Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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