He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
It's shark week go big or go home
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
