You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
