i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
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I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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