a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
