I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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