shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I have feelings that need drinking.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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