No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
