it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
