i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
