Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
