I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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