first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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