Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
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We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
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Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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