Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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