i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
