At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
she smelled like a LAN party
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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