I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
