i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
