That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize