You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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