I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
