i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
How's work?
Spinning.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
