The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize
