Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
