Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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