Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
