That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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