Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
