wakey wakey hands off snakey
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
