So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
