I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
birth control should be required to get into college
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
