i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
