If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
