How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
