So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Just pee around me
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
