Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
