ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I wish I only lived at night.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
