I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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