remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
