i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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