a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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