you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize