Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
