there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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