My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
