the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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