Umm I'm too high to move.
She's JV to your varsity
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
