So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
