I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
