people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
