if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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