I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
